my only luxury

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she thought that I could keep her from harm
resting her head upon my tattooed arm,
I knew that any moment
that her raging torment
would pop off like a screaming alarm.
she knew my problems and I knew hers,
i drank too much, she smoked too much,
i read too much, she bled too much.
she was never meant to be here,
neither was I, and we knew that fate
intervened in our unforeseen state.
so hell, we took advantage of what
was not meant to be,
and we threw our souls
eagerly into this harmony.
this is the world man, this is
how its supposed to be.
because the most alive are ones
who live unguarded, who roll with it,
who heave their hearts into whatever
chaos life throws on their porch.
even in the dreadful storm
they still carry the torch.
one night, with gleaming
lights over Manhattan,
she came in, sexy, scheming,
i swore i was dreaming,
lingerie, heels, sexiness unearthed.
she gave me that damn look,
as she pulled off my tie, shirt, belt.
i mistook her fear as love.
god, there’s such beauty
in her fucking insanity.
she got up on top of me
rotating them hips so I can see,
then the mysterious look,
frantic eyes of an absolutist
while the knife slowly
melted into my throat.
somehow, i knew it man.
i knew this beautiful catastrophe
that I’d thrown my whole self into
would be the utter death of me.
this was my only luxury.

you hate my love

u
mistake
my love. u
can’t even grasp
the depth of it. you
don’t know what it does
to me. you will never know.
you will never understand my
craving, my needs or my ways. or
what I must attain with this love. you
hate that i love. you hate the magnitude of
my love. you hate how my love challenges you.
you hate that you can’t love like i love. you hate how
it sends me into a dreamy state away from where you are.
you hate that it throws me into a raging melancholy, lost in it,
unable to function in your world, for days. you think it’s weird. lazy.
stupid. and just like the average person who gets told an uncomfortable
truth, you’ll attempt to destroy this loves purveyor. and you will be
mad with venom in doing this. you despise the books I read. u
loath my art. the things I write and the words I say. they’re
painful to you. you don’t know where I come up with
this stuff. you’ve never gazed in at your own soul,
let alone the eyes of one who is fixed with this
furious love. your love is scared of the dark,
my love rejoices in it. my love is rapture.
my love is daring. my love doesn’t
yield to security. my love is
free. your love is ruled. my
love feeds the world.
your love dies
with you.and
you hate
it

mad girl

Her place,
a world beyond ours,
was strange.
I sat on the hospital bed
looking into those mystique eyes,
so mysterious, so wild.
It was just after one of her spells
and the nurse called me in.
I was told this one was intense.
She was disheveled looking,
with her legs tucked into her chest,
barefoot, rocking back and forth
with her cheek resting on her right knee.
She was staring out the window
at a world that did not want her,
a world she did want in return.
Her deranged notions were perceived
by the eyes of those on the outside
as crazy.
And they were.
And she was.
So much so that they took her out of that world,
by force, and institutionalized her.
Whatever the hell that word actually means.
She had long hair,
beautiful features,
and those alluring eyes
that swallowed you into her world.
A world that was solely hers,
and had everything she needed,
everything she desired.
Beauty. Bliss. Love.
A world without fear.
She never really had
a reason to come to ours.
And she rarely did.
I loved her for that.
No one else did.

Love Your Fate

Love your fate
Kiss the annihilation that awaits
Oh, world of time and space
Such great illusions to our mortal face
Sweet temptations of apple taste
Love your fate

We must kill duality to rid the disease,
Think outside forms that will cease to be
Live beyond pairs of dividing peace
God and Devil
Good and Evil
Heaven and Hell
Light and Darkness
Bliss is found in the harmony of these
In the center of the Mandala is the true being
It’s the epic of the soul
The stillness among chaos
The quietness of the mind

Think about all the lives tossed from the womb
Into suffering
Into failure
Into despair
Into slavery
Accidents of time
Born into this inescapable web
Floating in a realm of delusions
Never wanting seclusion
Always on the go and getting nowhere
Meshing with the multitudes
With pretentious needs
Living in the past
Living for the future
Never embracing the Now

Unable to create art
We despise it
Unable to know God
We preach him
Those incapable to think originally
Are enslaved by those who can
But the majority cannot
And will not
And we adore our oppressors
We ask permission to live
Permission to love
Permission to shout
I’m sick of doubt

Bleeding thoughts of unthinkable ideas
Always worried how the world sees us
Trusting politics for betterment of self
With unread books on dusty shelves
People will destroy what they don’t understand
Instead of empathizing outside their land
They will hate with precision
Every single decision
That doesn’t coincide
With their ecstasy of division

Never say no
Find your escape
Exterminate the hate
and just…
Love your fate